What Is It Like To Be A Gay Muslim?
UK Muslims prouder of gay rights than others
Liberal Conspiracy, 27 June 2011
A poll for the think-tank Demos found that fewer than 1 in 4 British Muslims disagreed with the statement "I am proud of how Britain treats gay people”. Almost half (47%) agreed with the statement.
They were also more likely to strongly agree with this statement than secular Britons (15% compared to 8%).
The poll marks a sharp contrast to findings by Gallup in 2009 that 0% of British Muslims were tolerant towards homosexuality. But the two results are not contradictory: Muslims can agree that Islam does not tolerate homosexuality, while celebrating gay rights enshrined in the law.
Here is the break-down
The poll also found that:
- Over 4 in 5 British Muslims say they are ‘proud to be a British citizen'
- Only 1 in 5 British Muslims are not proud of ‘Britain's role in the world'
- Two-thirds of British Muslims say they are ‘proud of British culture'
- British Muslims were more positive about Britain's future than secularists or Anglicans
The polling was carried out by YouGov for a forthcoming Demos essay collection on Conservative attitudes to race and ethnicity in modern Britain.
Max Wind-Cowie, Head of the Progressive Conservatism Project at Demos, said:
British Muslims are far more enlightened and proud of our liberal values than they are often given credit for. Despite recent headlines about the anti-gay sticker campaign in East London there is a much larger group of British Muslims who support gay rights. A strong sign of this was the East London Mosque banning homophobic preachers.
Dr Rob Berkeley, Director of the Runnymede Trust said:
This poll highlights that negative stereotyping of the views of Muslims in the UK distorts our political debate. A growing recognition from all parts of our society that our diversity can be a strength is a welcome development, that should inform government as it develops its policies to tackle violent extremism and protect all citizens from discrimination.
The report is being funded by the Runnymede Trust, and will feature essays from Ray Lewis, Gavin Barwell MP, Andrew Boff AM and Max Wind-Cowie amongst others. It will be published in August.
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What's it like being a gay Muslim?
The Guardian, 29 July 2009
EastEnders' current romantic storyline featuring a gay Muslim character has caused a stir. But what is it really like to be gay within Britain's Muslim communities?
Pav Akhtar is not usually a fan of soaps. But the 30-year-old local councillor and Unison worker has been paying special attention since EastEnders introduced its first gay Muslim character. Akhtar, the chair of Imaan, an organisation for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Muslims, advised the BBC on the storyline in the hope that the character of Syed Masood would help tackle the double discrimination of homophobia and Islamophobia that many gay Muslims face.
The Muslim theologian Amanullah De Sondy said recently that the vast majority of Muslims were "deeply homophobic", and a survey carried out this summer among British Muslims reported that 0% of those questioned thought homosexuality was "morally acceptable". Yet, so far, the taboo-busting EastEnders storyline has not sparked the expected deluge of complaints – in fact, the soap's first gay Muslim kiss attracted a healthy 7.9 million viewers. But what is it like being gay and Muslim in the UK today?
Javaid, 34
It's good that a soap opera is tackling this. The EastEnders storyline may cause a bit of outrage, but anything that gets people talking can only be a good thing. I don't think we should sweep everything under the carpet – people should be challenged. My family are liberal Muslims and I think coming out to them has been no different than if I was Jewish or Christian. But although I am out to my immediate family, I'm not out to my community, so I don't want to identify myself fully. I couldn't reconcile my sexuality with their teachings, and so I lost my faith.
I was religious up to my mid-teens, but once I started to understand my sexuality, I became confused. My understanding was that in Islam homosexuality was seen in the same way as adultery. That sends a message that being gay is something to be ashamed of and not socially acceptable. It was really upsetting and I would pray to Allah to turn me straight. At that point, if I could have done anything to make myself straight I would have done.
When my parents found out, my father did not really understand. But he tried hard to learn. The debate about lowering the age of consent was going on at the time, and he would cut out articles and videotape TV programmes to show me when I came home. He even went to a gay bookshop and bought a book about being the parent of a gay son. It really meant a lot to me. My mum was very different. She is a practising Muslim and has been to hajj twice. She cried for about three days when I told her. That was 15 years ago and I still can't talk to her openly about it. I want to, but I can't do it yet.
Farzana Fiaz, 37 Journalist
I don't know about this report that said 0% of British Muslims believed being gay was acceptable. That has not been my experience or the experience of my friends. But I think Muslims do find the concept of having an identity based around sexuality an alien concept. I'm out to all of my friends and most people who know me, but despite being chair of an organisation for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Muslims, I have never identified myself in interviews before because I have tried to be respectful of my family's religious and cultural sensibilities. But recently I was outed by a relative to family members both in the UK and in Pakistan. Now I realise I don't want to give anyone that kind of power over me again.
I was brought up with a narrow interpretation of Islam from a traditional, working-class Pakistani perspective and believed, like everyone else, that being gay was wrong. I suppose this is still the dominant Muslim interpretation, but it's not the only one. It was a very difficult time when I realised I was mostly gay in my early 20s; that it wasn't just a passing phase. I had something of a nervous breakdown: I couldn't stop crying for days, I had nightmares, I couldn't sleep alone, I thought I was going to hell for feeling the way I did. I didn't know any gay Muslims, or gay Asians even, so I couldn't discuss the religious side with anyone.
Eventually I saw a meeting advertised in the Pink Paper looking for gay Muslims for a support group. Through Imaan, I listened to scholars and open-minded imams, and discovered that, like many things in the Qu'ran, there can be different interpretations about homosexuality.
When an Arabic paper picked up the story of our first conference, an extremist group issued a fatwa against us. The police sent 40 riot officers to protect us. After 9/11, we experienced Islamophobia including from within the gay community – at Gay Pride, some of the crowd heckled us, and even a Pride steward referred to us as terrorists. True, most of the threats we had at Imaan came from Muslims, but they were also more generally from men.
I started telling my mum I was gay about 10 years ago. It took her about 10 years to accept and I'd have to reiterate it when the issue of marriage came up. When I told her the truth, she told me to pray and ask God to forgive me, but she would never disown me. Now she says maybe I know more about it – she left school at 16 in Pakistan, while I studied Arabic at university and researched the subject a lot, so she does take my opinion seriously.
Ibrahim, 40s Charity worker
I think things are getting worse for gay Muslims because of the more extreme interpretations of Islam around today. The Muslim community is more homophobic – at least towards those who are out and comfortable. People have become brainwashed and no longer want to think about the true meaning of Islam.
I've seen Muslim men sent to the US for electric shock treatment to "cure" them of their homosexuality; I know of gay men who have been murdered in "honour killings" – in fact, the police often contact our sexual health organisation if there is an unexplained death of a young Muslim man to check if he is on our database. I have even heard parents tell their children they would rather they were suicide bombers than gay.
Because of this attitude there are lots of men who outwardly lead an Islamic lifestyle, who are married and go to prayers on a Friday, but then go and pick up men for sex. They don't see that they're gay. I've worked with rabbis and imams and the one thing they agree on is that gay men should either marry women or abstain. But abstinence is not an option to most human beings and I always ask, "Would you marry your daughter to someone you knew was gay? Do you think they would be happy with him?" The nikah (Islamic marriage service) is not gender-specific, so why not just let gay Muslim men marry each other?
Many Muslims think gay culture is about promiscuous sex, drugs and drinking. But being a gay Muslim can mean committing to one relationship. If gay Muslims marry each other, it would discourage double lives and promiscuity. The imams I have said this to agree with me, but say they can't say that in public.
My family know I'm gay; we don't talk about it, but they have always known – probably before I did. My mother told me to be myself. But I was bullied very badly at school. It was continuous – homophobic and racist – and it stopped me completing my education. I used to pray to Allah to ask him to make me straight; I even visited the shrines of Sufi saints. Then I spoke to scholars, imams and academics and I learned that there's no word for homosexuality in the Qur'an, but it does teach you to respect the diversity in the world and be honest – which is what I am doing. So now I'm looking for a partner for life, who will accept me and my religion.
Pav Akhtar, 30, Union worker and local councillor
I really welcome the gay character in EastEnders because I want people to engage in the discussion. The Masoods are brilliant – even if they are caricatures, like all other soap opera characters.
I grew up in a household where no sexuality was discussed – it didn't exist. That's true of many British Asian families. You feel like you're not supposed to have any sexual feelings – we had to switch channels if anyone was kissing on TV. It was a working-class Asian family, and I went to the mosque five times a week and was very attached to my faith.
My sisters and brothers are very supportive – I took my partner to Pakistan to visit my family there last year, and that was fine. My mother knows, but I have never actually discussed it with her, although I have introduced her to my "friends". With parents it's not just a cultural taboo, but their concern that without marriage and a family you will be alone
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Imams help gay Muslims embrace new social identities
BBC News, 13 July 2010
Some British Asian gay Muslims are embracing a new identity, based as much on race and religion as on sexual orientation with a number trying to do it with the help of their local imams.
When Khalid Habib decided it was time to come out about his sexuality, the first person he chose to confide in was not anyone in the family but his local imam.
"It was really important to me because I am a practising Muslim. It was about my personal relationship with Allah," said the 35-year-old media professional from the north of England.
"I sat in his sitting room struggling to get the words," he said.
"I told him I have issues, but couldn't bring myself to utter the words 'with my sexuality'. We spent many hours sitting in silence," he recalled
When Khalid finally told him, he was struck by the imam's reaction.
"He was really honest. He told me that in his 25 years of experience as a leader in a British Muslim community, he had never thought about homosexuality in a practical sense.
"So, he had approached it in the textbook sense, preaching that it was immoral, wrong and 'haram' in Islam. But he had never looked at it in a human sense."
Khalid says that as a British Muslim, he feels gay men have yet to find answers to some very difficult questions: "If it is wrong to be gay, should we force ourselves into heterosexual marriages?
"And in doing so, should we lie to the women we get married to? Or should we go for marriages of convenience with lesbians? Or, should we just remain celibate?" he asked.
Unlike Britain's wider gay community, the Asian gay scene is still largely underground.
They may go to gay clubs or support groups, but most remain in the closet.
But the fear of rejection, humiliation and in some cases physical harm from their own communities keeps many Muslim gays isolated.
Death penalty
I met her on a Friday evening at a gay pride event in London's East End borough of Tower Hamlets.
Even though the neighbourhood is home to one of the highest concentrations of British Asians, there were only a few Asians in the crowd.
Zeinab was there with two of her girlfriends - a lesbian wearing a hijab and a British Asian woman who described herself as bisexual.
She said: "When I came out to my family last year, they were shocked and angry. They said it was all in my head and that I was fooling myself.
"We had so many fights. I wanted to leave home. I was really depressed. I wanted to commit suicide."
Zeinab says she is fortunate to be in Britain where she has the freedom to go out with friends to gay events and be herself, unlike Iran or Saudi Arabia where homosexuality carries a death penalty.
Iranian-born Zeinab, 18, is a case in point.
"They said it was all in my head and that I was fooling myself” Zeinab
Some of their families and friends may even attend these nikkahs (marriage contracts), but they would never publicly admit it for fear of being ostracised by mainstream Muslims”
But at home, Zeinab's sexual orientation remains a tense, taboo subject. She says the family refuses to recognise for who she is. So, they just don't talk about it anymore.
"I would say I am quite religious. But I also know I am attracted to girls," said one of her friends.
"The way I understand Islam, I don't believe homosexuality is a sin because Allah is kind and generous."
An overwhelming majority of Muslims worldwide reject this argument and believes gay Muslims are trying to re-interpret Islam to justify a lifestyle that is simply not permitted.
Asif Qureshi, a key worker at The Naz Project, a London-based support group working with British Asian gay men said: "In my experience, the number of Asian gays coming out has almost tripled over the last three years."
'Invisible'
In fact, there is some evidence to suggest that those who dare to come out and seek long term same-sex relationships are sometimes not content with the idea of civil partnerships.
They desire religious recognition of their union, with some reportedly taking the daring step of entering into nikkahs (Muslim marriage contracts).
Mr Qureshi said he was aware of couples who had opted for such nikkahs but stressed that these were performed by imams in absolute secrecy.
Muslim gay activist Ibrahim Ismail has been working on sexual health issues for many years.
He said: "Some of their families and friends may even attend these nikkahs, but they would never publicly admit it for fear of being ostracised by mainstream Muslims.
"They are very much invisible."
Even though it is something entirely covert, the idea of Muslim gay marriages sheds light on the role some imams could be playing in helping people reconcile their sexuality and their faith.
As Khalid Habib said, when he came out to his imam three years ago, little did he know that this would be the beginning of a long process to come to terms with sometimes uncomfortable aspects of his faith.
He said, since then, he's been engaged in an ongoing dialogue with three separate imams to discuss what Allah would have to say about various aspects of his lifestyle.
"It has been a difficult but a mutually rewarding process.
"At least I have found an imam who has agreed to perform my nikkah when I get married," he said with a smile as he discussed his plans of having a traditional South Asian wedding one day.
Some names have been changed to protect the identity of individuals interviewed for this piece.
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British gay Muslims seek Islamic weddings
BBC News, 20 February 2011
Like many gay people, British gay Muslims are pursuing marriage
British gay Muslims are joining the global fight for equality and seeking gay Islamic marriage. The BBC's 5 live Investigates speaks to one couple about their 'nikah' - a Muslim matrimonial contract - and asks how they balance their sexuality with the Islamic faith.
"We met about three years ago, at an iftar - a breaking of fast during Ramadan.
"I think a lot of Muslims find that time of year very spiritual and very enlightening, and so I think that's why our relationship developed, because we spoke about our faith."
"Eventually we went on a date."
Asra recalls the first time she met her partner, Sarah, three years ago. The gay couple, who are also Muslim, are one of a growing number of gay, British Muslims who have cemented their relationship with marriage - Islamic marriage.
Asra fondly remembers the moment Sarah proposed to her.
"After the first date, which was about an hour, Sarah casually asked me to marry her."
Sarah interjects.
"I think it was more like four hours, after dinner, coffee and walking. I didn't really plan it, but it just really seemed like the way it was between us, I should try and keep it as pure as possible.
"That may sound strange being lesbians, but it felt like we should do it the most honourable way we could."
The Muslim way
Asra and Sarah decided upon a 'nikah' - a Muslim matrimonial contract. Whilst nikahs have traditionally been the reserve of heterosexual Muslims, Asra and Sarah were aware that other gay Muslims had followed this route and the couple decided to investigate further.
It's still very difficult for me to tell my family about my life being a lesbian. They know I am a believer, they know I am religious, but going as far as saying I am a lesbian is quite hard” Asra, gay Muslim
"A few friends said you don't really have to have an official Imam, but you need someone who is knowledgeable enough about the Qur'an to do it. Fortunately, one of our friends was, and she offered to do it. She's a lesbian herself, and she said we could do it in her home."
Three months after the proposal, the big day came. Asra wore a white shalwar kameez - a traditional Pakistani outfit - and Sarah a pink dress.
"I wanted to wear leather, but Asra wouldn't let me," she sighs.
"We got rings from Camden market, and we drew up contracts - we got a blueprint off the internet of a heterosexual contract and we both looked at it separately, to see if there were things we wanted to change."
"I remember I put about the dog - that if we broke up, Asra wouldn't steal the dog."
Asra rolls her eyes and adds "we also did a dowry, of £5. It was a symbolic thing and we've still got those £5 notes."
In attendance were six friends, who also acted as witnesses - "and a cat," says Sarah.
The short ceremony was conducted in Arabic, and additional duas - prayers - were read and the marriage was essentially no different from the nikahs performed for straight Muslim couples all over the world.
There is growing visibility of gay Muslims in Britain, although not all are confident about coming out
But the Islamic faith vehemently rejects homosexuality, and the fact this nikah was for a gay couple is highly offensive to the majority of Muslims - including Asra's own parents.
"It's still very difficult for me to tell my family about my life being a lesbian. They know I am a believer, they know I am religious, but going as far as saying I am a lesbian is quite hard," Asra says.
"I remember thinking this is the only time I am going to get married, and my family weren't there.
"That was constantly going through my mind - I am having an Islamic nikah, doing as much as I can through my faith, but my family weren't there."
However, Sarah's relationship with her family is quite different.
"Because I wasn't born a Muslim - I converted five years ago - I think my family is quite accepting of my sexuality. But sometimes it seems like they are waiting for me to grow out of being a Muslim."
Gay Muslim voices
Sarah and Asra know their marriage is unorthodox, and the idea of a gay nikah would be rejected by the majority of Muslim scholars, but Sarah says it is nobody's business.
"It is between me and God, and when we got married it was not ideal, but we were doing our best."
However, there is a small but growing voice within the Muslim community representing gay people, with the emergence of British gay Muslim support groups such as Imaan and Safra Project.
One of the key advocates of Muslim gay marriage is the American Imam, Daayiee Abdullah - who himself is gay. He has performed a number of gay nikahs in America and has also advised gay British Muslim couples on how to perform the ceremony.
He reasons that to deny gay Muslim couples the right to a religious union, goes against teachings in the Koran.
Speaking to 5 live Investigates, he says: "Since Islamic legal precedence does not allow same sexes to wed, Muslim societies make it a legal impossibility within Islam [but] by not allowing same-sex couples to wed, there is a direct attack on the Koran's message that each person has a mate who is their 'comfort and their cloak'."
It is not just within the Muslim community that gay Muslim couples such as Sarah and Asra have encountered hostility.
"I feel there's Islamaphobia within the gay community. It's something that really worries me," says Sarah.
Asra recalls a particularly unsavoury incident.
"There was an occasion at gay pride once where one of the marchers turned around and quite crudely said 'we didn't know pride was allowing suicide bombers on the march' - it was really shocking to hear it from a fellow gay marcher."
But according to Sarah, it's not just Muslims who are rejected by the gay community.
"I think there's a deep-rooted assumption in the secular queer community that you can't be gay and believe in anything, apart from yourself or materialism."
Acceptance
However, gay unions are being integrated into wider British society even more - and the government recently announced plans to allow churches in England and Wales to host civil partnership ceremonies.
Ministers have pledged greater equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, but said no religious group would be forced to host the ceremonies.
The Church of England has said it will not do so. Quakers have welcomed the plans, with support also expected from Unitarians and Liberal Jews. But what about the Muslim community?
"Homosexuality is not considered a halal way of living at the moment, so of course there's going to be an extreme reaction to a gay nikah. So, as a community we have to get tolerance before we can even attempt acceptance of marriage," says Asra.
But she is hopeful for the future.
"I certainly know younger gay Muslims that are out to their families and their families are absolutely fine with it.
"Same-sex nikahs are still a contentious issue, but all I can say is I have done it, and I am completely comfortable and content with my faith and hopefully people will think 'well, let me try and get to that place'
Imam Daayiee Abdullah says
"By not allowing same-sex couples to wed, there is a direct attack on the Qur'an's message that each person has a mate who is their 'comfort and their cloak'”
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Gay Muslims made homeless by family violence
BBC News, 11 January 2010
A UK charity is dealing with an increasing number of young gay Muslims becoming homeless after fleeing forced marriages and so-called honour violence.
During a weekly drop-in group held by the Albert Kennedy Trust in London, Suni, a 20-year-old London student, helps himself to a warm mince pie and a steaming cup of coffee.
In 2008, during a holiday to Pakistan to visit relatives, his parents suspected the truth about his sexuality. They believed marriage would "cure" him of what they considered to be a psychological disorder.
Name 'blackened'
"They told me I'm going to be forced into marriage and they're looking for a girl and I'll be married in two to three months and I won't be able to come back to London," Suni said.
When he refused, he was imprisoned in his family's ancestral home in a remote village of Pakistan and subjected to regular beatings and abuse as he had brought "shame" on the strict Muslim family.
"I stayed there for three months and he was always beating me. He was telling me I had blackened our family name and he was saying it's a sin. I know it was just for honour."
Suni managed to escape and return to the UK, penniless and homeless.
Relatives and friends were reluctant to help him due to fear of violent reprisals from his family.
After a night spent in a police cell, he was put in touch with the trust, which helped find him safe accommodation.
'Gay demons'
Trust worker Annie Southerst said in the past six months there has been an increase in the number of Muslims coming to them for help.
"They face threats of physical violence, actual violence and restriction of liberties," she said.
"We've had people chased out of the house with knives and we have had issues around young people who had exorcisms planned to get rid of the gay demons, I suppose.
"They come to us because they're homeless, or in danger of being homeless imminently. We sort out emergency accommodation for them.
"But the biggest loss they face is the loss of their families.
"I can't imagine what it must be like to suddenly in your late teens, early 20s suddenly not to have a family anymore."
Using laws introduced by the government in November 2008, the charity has taken out four Forced Marriage Protection orders in the past few months.
The orders were introduced after ministers dropped plans to make forcing someone to marry a crime.
More than 80 have been imposed so far. Breaching one is contempt of court and can carry a two-year jail term.
Fazal Mahmood runs a support group for South Asian and Middle Eastern gay men, called Himat, which means strength in Urdu.
"I've got about 150 people on my mail out list.
"About 80%... have been coerced into marriage or been forced into marriage or are being forced into marriage," he said.
Mr Mahmood says homosexuality is considered a taboo issue within close-knit Muslim communities in areas such as London, Bradford and Manchester.
"I'm proud to be a Muslim, I'm proud to be South Asian, Pakistani and I'm proud to be gay as well.
"Unfortunately a lot of parents don't see that. All they see is 'what is my community going to feel like when they find out my son or daughter is gay?'."
Keeping quiet
In fact he advises young gay Muslims not to come out to their families.
"Once you've told your family and friends about your sexuality, the next unfortunate step for your family to do is ask you to leave."
Ali, 21, lives in east London with his large Bangladeshi family, and has decided to keep his sexuality a secret.
"When they do find out, they're basically going to go against it.
"My relationship with them is not going to be the same, the respect they have for me is going to be different and I'm going to miss that relationship," he said.
He is also worried about the repercussions within the local community if they discover he is gay.
"You see people being killed for being gay and stuff. I think I'd be vulnerable if people knew about me.
"I've heard a lot of remarks in the past about people saying that gay people should die for religious reasons."
Police protection
A special government unit tackles the issue of forced marriages. Every year it deals with around 1,600 cases of forced marriage. Three-quarters of all calls are from people of South Asian origin.
Department head Olaf Henricson-Bell said gay and lesbian youngsters were particularly vulnerable.
"A few weeks ago, an individual got in touch with the unit to say he'd been taken to Pakistan, forced to marry against his will, brought back to the UK then denounced by both his new wife and his family for his sexuality.
"He'd been subject to physical and other abuse. When he rang us he was scared to leave the home and we had to secure police protection.
"Forced marriage by its nature is an underground practice and the cases often go unreported.
"The individuals involved may be reluctant to mention sexuality when they ring us or when they bring their case to the attention of the authorities," he said.
The unit plans to work with the trust to produce a training programme for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender organisations working with young people at risk of being forced into marriage